Confessions of a Millenial Pastor
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What Matters Now​ (Thoughts on the Current ULS Struggle)

3/3/2018

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It seems strange that, as I make another feeble attempt at getting into the blogosphere, my first post would be about the current scandal/crisis/drama facing the new United Lutheran Seminary (ULS)- a union of what was the Lutheran Theological Seminary at Gettysburg (LTSG) and the Lutheran Theological Seminary at Philadelphia (LTSP). A 2013 graduate of LTSG, I was never as emotionally attached to my seminary as some, and I'm not experiencing "all the feels" that some people are right now. But, as the first openly gay married person to have graduated form LTSG, I think what I have to say could matter to somebody, somewhere, so here goes...

I began seminary in August of 2009, after graduating from college at the age of 24. I was never, at any time, "in the closet" at seminary. From the beginning, I found complete acceptance and support from both the student body and the faculty. My sexual orientation was a non-issue. Moreover, when the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America (ELCA) ratified its statement on sexuality the same month I began school, and voted that congregations could call openly gay clergy, the student body and the faculty seemed overjoyed. I was mostly oblivious to the whole thing, but that's a different story. At any rate, I had planned to stay single the rest of my life, so I felt that the decision would be great for others, but I wasn't too concerned about its implications for myself.

Imagine how surprised I was when I met my husband, Dave, in early September of 2010. I was not the least bit prepared for how it all would play out, but play out it did. Dave was immediately welcomed into the seminary community. He was treated with a tremendous amount of love and respect by the other students and their families. He was invited to every event, and everyone enjoyed having him around. And when we got married in late April of 2011 (yes, that fast), our ceremony was attended by a number of seminary students, and we received so many messages of congratulations and support from the student body and faculty I couldn't count them all.

Granted, things weren't all good all the time. I was rejected from every available internship site because no one wanted to "deal with" having a gay, married intern. But the Field Education Director went out of his way for me, and I found out where my internship would be just 2 weeks after the rest of my class, so it all worked out in the end.

My senior year at seminary, it became obvious that I would be the first gay married person to graduate from LTSG- and to be called to the Lower Susquehanna Synod. But it wasn't a big deal. Everyone was happy that the time had finally come, but no one released balloons or had a parade over it. But through it all, Dave and I always felt loved, accepted, and supported by the seminary community. It was never a question, never an issue, never a concern. LTSG would not become a Reconciling in Christ institution until well after I graduated, but there was a definite air of welcome and support to all LGBTQ people on campus as they began to trickle in. And while I may not be terribly attached to the seminary, I will always be grateful for the acceptance, support, and friendship I found there.

But now this shit show happens. Whatever the fuck this even is. If you're not aware, the story goes something like this: The current (and first) president of ULS, it seems, was once part of a gay conversion therapy group back in the 90's. She was initially forced into it by her parents when she revealed her own sexual orientation, and when that became her norm, she later worked for the group. Eventually, during her own time in seminary at Princeton, she came to realize exactly what was wrong with the whole thing. She left the group, told them to pretend she never existed, and began advocating for the LGBTQ community. Or at least that's the short version of her story as I understand it. However, the current saga unfolding seems to be more about how honest and forthcoming the president was with her story, and how it was handled by the seminary Board of Directors when the story became known to them. Clearly there was a whole lot of stupid involved. Members of the Board became aware of the story and said nothing, when the best course of action would have been to encourage the president to tell her story and be honest about why she didn't tell it before. But no. It sat quietly in the back of the closet, and now, like so many things that are bottled up under pressure, it has exploded. I, however, am not so much interested in the saga itself as I am in people's reactions to it.

First off, let me say that I  feel the president's whole approach to this has been bound by shame. She was shamed into feeling "wrong" about her own sexuality and then shamed into the "therapy" group. Now she feels ashamed she was ever part of it, let alone one of its leaders. Moreover, shame is now being heaped upon her by students, faculty, and alumni for how and when she disclosed her story, as well as how she plans to deal with this whole affair going forward.

Really though? Is that how we're going to play this? By heaping shame upon shame? The president has received death threats over this. Are you fucking kidding me? All these bitches giving the world lip service about how loving and open and accepting they are, and they're going to pull that shit? Back the fuck up. I recognize that's not what everyone is up to, but there's enough people involved that it's sickening. Is this how we, the people of God, and leaders and future leaders in the Church, handle ourselves? Granted, I'm not sure the situation was handled in the way Jesus has instructed us, particularly by the Board, but answering bad behavior with bad behavior never worked for anyone. Fighting ignorance and prejudice with a different brand of ignorance and prejudice never worked either. And hoping and working for the failure and destruction of others never seems to go well in the end. Yet I see all of this in play at the moment, and it makes me want to slap a bitch.

Moreover, I didn't hear anybody in the public sphere talking about the importance and value of LGBTQ people at ULS until right now. What, there's a scandal and suddenly everyone's got a fucking pulpit to preach from? Most of you weren't worried about hosting conversations concerning the needs of LGBTQ people on the campuses of ULS five minutes ago, but now suddenly it's a matter of justice? Give me a break, and don't you dare fucking use other people's stories, struggles, and hurts as a pedestal for your agenda. Between that and the behavior I mentioned in the last paragraph, some people involved in this whole debacle are acting no better than the "hypocrites [who] love to stand and pray in the synagogues and at the street corners, so that they may be seen by others." (Matthew 6:5) And ain't nobody got time for that shit.

I think there's a whole lot of reflection to be done right now. Did the ULS board fuck up royally? Yes. They committed a great sin of omission, and they need to own their shit and seek forgiveness if they want to move forward. Should the president have been more forthcoming about her past? Sure. But I suspect she's got a whole lot of daemons to deal with right now, and I'm betting she'll find her way to penance and peace somewhere along the way. What about the screaming mob- the people braying for blood in the street? What will they do in the future? Will they feel the need to crucify someone to satisfy their own egos and heal their own wounds? I hope not, because Jesus already took up that cross willingly, and how dare we scorn his gift of grace and forgiveness by denying it to others.

Look. I'm not saying, "Let's live and let live." I'm not. But my ultimate question is, what will people do going forward? Will some continue to accomplish their goals through blaming and shaming? Will they continue to act like hypocrites and join the fray at the moment, just because the whole affair is sexy right now? Or will we start being honest, genuine, gracious, and forgiving? In order for there to be reconciliation, everyone needs to own their own part in this and seek a way to do and be better in the future. And, certainly, some people's sins in this matter are farther reaching than others. But at the end of the day, if we want things to be better, we need to step up and model what that looks like. We need to call bullshit where we see it and call for honesty and transparency, but we also needs to be honest with ourselves about how we handle things. Is the road we're going down the path that leads, in the end, to the cross of Christ? Is Christ and his teaching at the center of this whole argument, or is it our own agendas? I think if we put ourselves and this whole situation in the perspective of the Gospel, we may find a way to truly move forward in the way God is calling. And I suspect we'll see who is and who isn't ready to take that journey with us as well.
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August 04th, 2016

8/4/2016

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Where do we go from here?

6/16/2016

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This past weekend's mass shooting in Orlando was a tragedy on more levels than we could ever count.  We lost 53 human lives- people who loved and cared and cried and hoped and dreamed and had a future, just like the rest of us.  Except now their future, at least in this world, is gone. And the people who loved those individuals who died will spend the rest of their lives mourning their loss and walking around each day with a hole in their hearts that can never be filled. 

And we lost something as a human society as well: We lost our dignity.  We lost our dignity, because we still live in a society where the lives of gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender people matter less to some than the lives of others.  We lost our dignity, because the first thing that happened after this tragedy took place was that people started blaming every Muslim to ever walk the face of the earth for what happened, as if they were all psychopathic killers. We lost our dignity, because moronic politicians immediately began to use the situation for their own political gain and to further their personal agendas.  And we lost our dignity, because at least one person among us praised this tragic event as the will of God. Our collective dignity and humanity have been compromised, because we have failed to acknowledge the dignity and humanity of every single person; we have failed to love and embrace everyone around us and to treat each person with equity and justice, and we have failed to see that this is the heart of the matter.

So now what?  Where do we go from here?  What can we say?  What should we do?  How must we respond?

Well, there are certainly things we must abandon if we are to go forward:
-Homophobia
-Islamophobia
-Xenophobia in all its hideous forms.
-Apathy towards the struggles of others.
-Categorizing human beings as "us" and "them."
-Politicizing everything all the time.
-Failing to love and respect one another, acknowledging that each person has worth as an individual human being and as a child of God.

Instead, if we are to heal and move toward wholeness, we must:
-Let go of our desire for vengeance. (Leviticus 19:18)
-Love everyone around us as much as, if not more than, we love ourselves.
    (Leviticus 19:18, Matthew 22:39)
-Struggle against evil in the world and never praise evil deeds. (Proverbs 28:4)
-Seek justice for everyone, everywhere. (Amos 5:23-25)
-Treat those who are different from us with the dignity and respect all people deserve.
    (Leviticus 19:34, Deuteronomy 1:16)
-Offer forgiveness instead of judgment. (Luke 6:37)
-Have faith, have hope, and most of all, have love. (1 Corinthians 13:13)

I'm not saying this is going to be easy- it never has been.  I'm not even saying this is what we, in our brokenness, sorrow, and anger, really want to do.  But it is necessary.  It is necessary, because to do otherwise would be to continue to compromise the dignity and worth of all human beings, including ourselves.  That is what caused this tragedy in the first place, and that is one thing we can no longer afford.  

Our way forward may not be clear, but if we live in love for one another, if we pursue justice and equality, and if we acknowledge the worth of every human life, then perhaps there is is a chance- a chance that one day the life of every person will carry the value of all others, regardless of their national origin, ethnic background, gender identity, or sexual orientation. And perhaps then such tragedy will not be able to repeat itself.


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Whom we are called to is more important than what we are called to.

4/20/2016

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Casting Our Nets On the Other Side

4/13/2016

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Jesus is Risen; Everything Changes

3/31/2016

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The Few, The Faithful, the Cross

3/31/2016

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Living in God's Future, Not in Our Past

3/15/2016

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"Your Piety is Showing"

2/11/2016

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For those of us who are part of a worshiping community that follows the liturgical calendar, we always start Lent off with the words of Jesus: “Beware of practicing your piety before others in order to be seen by them; for then you have no reward from your Father in heaven."  (Matthew 6:1)  Jesus goes on to talk specifically about almsgiving (monetary offerings to help the poor), fasting, and prayer done in public for the benefit of others' attention and adoration.

Often, I think we gloss over his words and say to ourselves, "I don't do public expressions of piety.  I don't give alms in front of others or fast for attention or pray loudly in the streets.  So this text must not be for me."  Or we say, "Personal piety is a good thing, and it's meant to be shown."  Really?  Not according to Jesus.

Jesus teaches us that true piety cannot be separated from humility.  We give offerings to help those in need and support the ministry of the Church because God has saved and blessed us, and we are called to offer up all that we have and all that we are in return.  We fast or give up certain things so we can focus on God and God's calling in our lives.  And we pray in order to spend time in conversation with God, which sustains us in the midst of our crazy, hectic lives.

But many Christians would still say, "I get that.  So of course Jesus isn't talking about me."  

Then let me say this: Let us not limit what Jesus is teaching us to the specific examples he uses. Let's step back and consider: Are there other forms of public piety we engage in?

I've seen quite a few over the years.  One of the most obvious is condemning the world and notifying everyone, in no uncertain terms, that they are doomed to hell unless they "repent" (and subsequently follow the religious ideals held by the one offering the condemnation).  It's not our place to judge or condemn, and if you think it is, your piety is showing.

Another is arguing with everyone else about how your interpretation of Scripture is the only one that's valid, then looking down on anyone who disagrees with you as "less Christian" than you. This goes for liberals and conservatives alike, and if you assume that "only liberals" or "only conservatives" do this, you probably need to take a good long look in the mirror, because your piety is showing.

I've also witnessed, tragically, the hypocrisy of those who claim to be "pro-life," and as such seem to consider themselves as morally superior, while they ignore the needs of hungry children and homeless families, asserting that they simply need to "work harder." These same people will often seek to bar entry to, or cast out, immigrants and refugees who are fleeing for their lives and have lived many of their years under fear and oppression.  And I wonder: How can we say we are for life if we do not value the life of each person, created in the image of God, and seek justice for every individual?  If we think these things are mutually exclusive, our piety is showing.

Another habit that plagues the Church is our unwillingness to change, to let the Holy Spirit transform us as God wills.  We fight tooth and nail against anything new or different.  We make excuses for every new thing God tries to do, saying, "That's not the way we did it before."  We make idols of our church buildings and our programs and our particular ways of doing things. And our piety is showing.

One last pattern of behavior I'll mention, though we are guilty of so many, is simply ignoring the world around us.  In many ways, this is both the opposite and the equivalent of condeming the world.  We rest comfortably on our faith and the assruance of our salvation, and we let the world and the rest of humainty suffer through injustice and sin and darkness and we do nothing.  And we tell ourselves, "God will take care of it.  If God wants those people to be redeemed and saved, God will see to it.  It's not my problem."  Except that Jesus Christ sends us out to make disciples of all nations.  He sends us out to proclaim the Good News of his saving grace to the world.  But we so often ignore that because actually doing so makes us uncomfortable.  And our piety is showing.

We face a pivotal time in the Church right now, particularly here in the United States.  And while we may think our numbers are declining because the rest of society is ignoring us, the truth is that society is watching us ever closer.  People want to see what we're doing.  They want to know if we are open to change and transformation.  They want to know who's leading us- our own egos or the Holy Spirit.  And so often, when we engage in behaviors like the ones I've just mentioned above, people see us practicing our piety for the benefit of others (and often times ourselves), and they know this behavior is not Christ-like.  They know it is not what we have been called to do as his disciples.  And then they wonder what's more important to us: that sense of safety and satisfaction that comes with our personal piety, or living into the future God has placed before us?

Piety is not a bad thing- not when it is graced with humility.  And Jesus teaches us to engage in all those activities he names- almsgiving, fasting, and prayer- but to do it out of our love for God and God's people.  It's not about showing everyone else how holy and righteous we are, because these themselves are gifts from God.  And true piety is realizing that it's all about God and not​ about us. 

My hope is that we will beware of practicing our piety before others; that we will be aware of when we are being judgmental, when we are being hypocritical, when we are failing to love our neighbors as ourselves, and when we are failing to live out the life we have been called to in Jesus Christ.  And I pray we will be open to all the ways God is calling us to show love, grace, hope, humility, and justice to the world, and that we will live in that way.

Because people around us are watching.  Is our piety showing?







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February 08th, 2016

2/8/2016

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