Recently, the congregation I serve was blessed to have a visit from one of our Assistants to the Bishop, who came to answer questions about the process of calling a long-term pastor. I felt that some discussion would certainly enter into this, and I felt it would be good to give some healthy parameters for that conversation. At the same time, I felt it would be best for me not to be present in the room during the session, so that members of the congregation might speak freely. Therefore, I wrote up the following guidelines, which I hoped would aid the members of the congregation in having a healthy, fruitful discussion. With a little editing, I present them here in the hopes that other leaders in a variety of settings will find them useful.
1. Use "I" as the subject of all statements.
Using "I" as the subject of one's statements ensures that a person speaks only for him or herself. It also helps avoid the use of language that might imply that others share the speaker's opinion without their consent.
2. Refrain from using “collective language” and making “blanket statements.”
This includes statements that make use of words like “everyone,” “all the time,” “never,” etc. Everyone doesn't do everything all the time. And we cannot presume to include everyone else in our statements, nor can we make generalizations about how the other members of the group may feel.
3. Refrain from making statements that do no identify a speaker.
Assertions that begin with words like “Some people are saying…” are not helpful and do not further discussion in a positive manner. The speaker should always be clearly identified as the one making the statement. One should not speak for others. If someone has something to bring to light, he or she should do so of their own accord in their own voice.
4. Use positive statements rather than negative.
A statement that begins with the words “I would prefer if…” is more helpful than a statement beginning with “I don’t’ like it when…” Positive statements that demonstrate what we find helpful generally receive a much healthier response from others than complaining about what we don't like.
5. If you disagree with something another member has said, be clear that you disagree with their statement and give a reason why.
No one should attack another person or their beliefs personally. As well, it is not enough for someone to simply say they disagree. We should be willing and able to articulate our reasons for disagreeing. (This all goes for agreeing with another member as well.)
I hope you find these guidelines helpful, and I'd be glad to hear if you have any to add.
1. Use "I" as the subject of all statements.
Using "I" as the subject of one's statements ensures that a person speaks only for him or herself. It also helps avoid the use of language that might imply that others share the speaker's opinion without their consent.
2. Refrain from using “collective language” and making “blanket statements.”
This includes statements that make use of words like “everyone,” “all the time,” “never,” etc. Everyone doesn't do everything all the time. And we cannot presume to include everyone else in our statements, nor can we make generalizations about how the other members of the group may feel.
3. Refrain from making statements that do no identify a speaker.
Assertions that begin with words like “Some people are saying…” are not helpful and do not further discussion in a positive manner. The speaker should always be clearly identified as the one making the statement. One should not speak for others. If someone has something to bring to light, he or she should do so of their own accord in their own voice.
4. Use positive statements rather than negative.
A statement that begins with the words “I would prefer if…” is more helpful than a statement beginning with “I don’t’ like it when…” Positive statements that demonstrate what we find helpful generally receive a much healthier response from others than complaining about what we don't like.
5. If you disagree with something another member has said, be clear that you disagree with their statement and give a reason why.
No one should attack another person or their beliefs personally. As well, it is not enough for someone to simply say they disagree. We should be willing and able to articulate our reasons for disagreeing. (This all goes for agreeing with another member as well.)
I hope you find these guidelines helpful, and I'd be glad to hear if you have any to add.